Last night Chris and I had a big "discussion" after we went to bed. I made an appointment for Thursday with my ob/gyn to go back on Clomid, which is fertility medicine that I had to use to get Izzy. I'm ready for that next step - ready to have another baby. I'm not getting any younger. Chris, on the other hand, wants to wait until it's the perfect time. He wanted to do the same with Izzy, however, and now he wouldn't change that for the world. He was actually laid-off when we decided to try for Izzy, and I think that we both thought I was maybe infertile. Which I guess I kind of am, but we didn't think Clomid would help either, and it clearly did. :-)
Chris's big thing is that he thinks I complain too much about how much I have to take care of Izzy, which I see 100% differently. I wouldn't care if I did all of Izzy's care, if Chris would just appreciate it, and help out in other areas. Instead, he expects me to do all of the childcare, the budgeting, the tidying, keeping our house stocked, work full-time, and on and on, while he thinks he does too much housework already. He thinks that because he does most of the lawn work and fixing of the house when stuff breaks, he should not have to do half of the housework. My take on it is that I also work full-time, and I do the vast majority of the childcare, and I do 50% of the housework, plus all of the tidying, and all of the bill paying, and all of the keeping track of food and diapers and such for Izzy, and therefore, he could help out more with Izzy when he's home. It would be good for both of them. It's less that I want to get rid of some of my childcare duties, and more that I just want Chris to share them. Does that make sense? It doesn't to Chris either.
He's a really good daddy, but he doesn't get to spend as much time with Izzy as either of us would like. But he has started trying to weasel out of the fun stuff he does with Izzy. Bedtime used to be their time, but Chris has now decided that it's work, so he complains about that too, and I do that half of the time now - which I actually love. For instance, last night I sat down to read Izzy a book and Chris went to get a bottle for him. Ten minutes later, Izzy is screaming for his bottle, and I scream to Chris, "I am finding it hard to imagine what is going on in there so as to hinder you bringing your child a bottle." I got all proper-bitchy on him. He makes the bottle, stomps in to the nursery, and actually has the gall to yell at me that he saw a leak coming from the roof that he decided to check out first. I say, "I think your child should come before that," and he yells, "I DON'T THINK SO. IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAT I MAKE SURE THE ROOF ISN'T GOING TO FALL IN ON HIS HEAD FIRST," and he stomps away, feeling vindicated and righteous.
I would give anything to have that much belief in myself. Is there a leak? Yes. A little tiny drip. Is there even a remote chance that, "the roof is going to fall in" on Izzy's head? No. Especially not when we're in the nursery and the leak is in the kitchen. It gets even better though. He's decided that rather than just fix that little leak, we should put a vaulted ceiling in the kitchen instead. I very calmly floated him the idea that maybe that was too much money and effort to put into a crappy little house he wants to sell anyways. I'll be sure to post the pics of our new vaulted ceiling when we get it finished.
You know, the highest rate of divorce is in the first year of a marriage. The second highest is in the year after the birth of the first child. Chris and I are far, far from divorce, but I can so understand why the divorce rate is so high after having that first baby. It's TOUGH. Especially figuring out those new roles as Mommy and Daddy. It does come naturally, but it changes the dynamics of the husband/wife relationship dramatically too. Chris and I both think we have a very good relationship. We're just working on ironing out the wrinkles. Like whether or not I'll be starting my next run of Clomid next week...
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