Pray for Ben and Allie, please.

Becoming a mommy has given me about a thousand times the emotion that I had before. My own mother used to call me a cold-hearted bitch - and not without merit. I had always been able to keep my feelings separate from logic. Not now, however, and especially not when it comes to families dealing with catastrophically sick babies.

I'm following two babies in particular very closely - and they are both having really difficult times. One is a 19 month old, Ben, and the other is a 9 month old named Allie. I was chatting with some of my other June 2003 mommies the other night, and we found out that Allie got some really bad news. I went to her site, and the pictures of her cherubic face paired with her mother's heartbreaking post about the real possibility of losing her daughter, tore me up. I cried for about two hours. I can not imagine how these families manage to hold it all together. God bless them. They are all so strong in their faith, which I can not imagine. I'm pretty sure that I would completely lose mine if I lost my Izzy.

I would have always been so very sad for these families. But now I can truly feel for them. Just imagining seeing Izzy in pain and not being able to help, makes my heart hurt. It's so random, too, which adds raw terror to the unbearable sadness.

Yesterday I took a day off work and took Izzy to the library for children's story hour. He LOVED it. He was enthralled the whole time, which is amazing considering his attention span, and he clapped wildly after every story. The cutest thing of all was when they played a song on the tape player - Old McDonald actually - and Izzy sang along. At the top of his lungs. And with no words, of course. Just a long, very loud, "Oooooooohhhhhhhhh." It was precious, but the other mommies weren't as impressed as I was, so I finally shushed him. But just a little.

Then we went and got Aunt Crystal and we headed to the pool. When Izzy saw the giant elephant in the baby pool and the cascading water, he started waving his arms wildly and jumping up and down. He had a wonderful day, as did Crystal and I.

The whole time, however, I was truly wracked with guilt. Here we were, simply enjoying the wonder and joy of a baby going swimming, just LOVING Izzy contentedly, and Allie's family was dealing with the devastating news from the doctors that their daughters life is in very real jeopardy. It's so unfair for that family. I'm sure they are better people than me and Chris, and they do not deserve their circumstances in the least. No one deserves to lose a child so young. Why were we so lucky?

Will we always be so lucky? Sadness, guilt, worry ...these are the parts of motherhood that are the real surprises. Please pray for Ben and Allie and please sign the guestbooks on their websites.