Classic Sophie

Izzy took a topple off the end of my bed this morning and landed on a little chest I had sitting there storing an extra throw and a couple of pillows. He had a big scratch down his cheek and was crying and crying.

I went in and moved the chest against the wall and moved in a padded bench at the end of the bed. "There," I said. "Now you have a nice soft place to land if you fall off again." He laid down on it and the crying stopped magically. Until Sophie decided she wanted to lay down on it too.

First she tried pushing him off, but he weighs more than twice what she does, so he didn't budge. Then she tried yelling at him, but that just made him yell at me, crying that baby was trying to steal his seat.

Then she came to me, eyes as wide as could be, held up her leg and said, "My boo-boo hurts. I need bed." Cute, yes, but that evil glint gave her away. That and her complete lack of boo-boos.

Cool! As I was just typing this a little hummingbird flew up to the window and looked me right in the eye! I'm going to have to put a little hummingbird feeder out there.

Anyhow, after I picked Izzy up we headed to Wal-Mart to get some bread for lunch. Normally I would leave out where we shopped, because who wants people to know they shop there? But this story is such a "Wal-Mart Mom" type of story that you'd be able to guess where I was anyways.

Sophie had told me she had to pee-pee while we were waiting outside of the school, so I took them straight back to the bathroom. Two of the bathrooms were broken, so the three of us squeezed into a little stall together. First thing Sophie does is get on her hands and knees and start scooting under the stall.

I grabbed her up and yelled at her, because one, that is DISGUSTING, two that is dangerous and three, that is DISGUSTING. She screams for a while like I'd given her the beating that I felt like giving her, making me question why I didn't go ahead and give her one, but instead we went out to wash our hands up.

As I turn to help Izzy soap up, she bolts out the door, ignoring me yelling no at her. I stand outside of the bathroom with my unwashed hands watching her gleefully streak down the end of the cash registers. I'm screaming now, "Sophie get back here RIGHT NOW!" But I can't chase her, because then she runs even faster, and damn, that girl can run.

A woman walks by her and smiles at the glee on Sophie's face and Izzy hollers at her, "Excuse me, can you please catch our baby for us?" "That's okay," I tell both her and Izzy, "She'll come back here in a minute. If we chase her, she'll take off." The woman says to me, "She's SO cute!" It was all I could do to choke out a thank you because I wanted to strangle Sophie right at that moment.

Then I try a new tactic, "Hey Sophie, want a drink of water?" She's about 50 feet away from me at that point and I can see the struggle flit across her face: freedom or water? She chooses water and runs back.

I reach out to grab her as she zips past and she squeals and runs right into the MEN'S room. I'm about to have a stroke at this point because I am PISSED. This Wal-Mart has the bathrooms that don't have doors to walk into them, but rather just a doorway to walk around, so there was nothing to stop her from running in there.

I yell at her to come out right this minute and she laughs. I'm 99% sure no one is in there, and I can hear her feet pattering all around, so I know no one has her, but just in case some guy is in there trying to quietly attend to his business, I don't want to go in there carrying on like the lunatic I felt like.

Just as I'm about to go ahead drag Izzy in there with me and grab her, though, she starts to come back out and I realize I've got her cornered, so I wait a second, watching her reflection on the tiles. As she tries to make a break for it, I grab her up and take her in the women's bathroom. I know that in your mind's eye right now you're seeing the "Wal-Mart Mom" screaming at her screaming hoodlum with her other hoodlum looking on wild-eyed, and yeah, that was us today. I'm not proud.

I have to tell you that it was all I could do not to give that child a good spanking. Instead I just washed her hands and arms and gave her a lecture while washing my own. Every few minutes as we shopped she'd look up at me and say, "I sorry, mama. I really sorry, mama." It was a STERN lecture.

But we made it through the rest of the day with no more episodes. Until tonight.

After dinner, me and the kids were sitting out on the sun deck where we have two elliptical chairs and two regular chairs. There is always a fight over who gets to sit where, but tonight Izzy scooted over and offered to share his seat. Sophie climbed up beside him and gave him a big hug, curled up on his arm. I really wish I'd had my camera out there.

They played for a few minutes, play consisting mainly of Sophie popping up and Izzy pushing her back onto his shoulder and saying, "There, there baby." Sophie tired of this game, so she hopped down.

Izzy got down too and came over and stretched out on my lap. Sophie's arms shot straight down, she stomped her feet and she shouted, "Hey!" True, she's the one that got down first, but she fully expected him to sit there waiting until she wanted to sit back down with him.

Izzy ignored her, so she flung her hair over her shoulder [Okay, I'm aware she doesn't really have any hair. But she totally has that gesture down pat.] turned and screamed at him, "I going inside now. GOOD! BYE!"

This is life with Sophie. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.