The children have conspired to give me a stroke.

Pshaw, you say? A six, four and one year old are simply not capable? Let me give you a run down of my day, and then make up your own mind:

12:15 a.m. I look up the free Kids Summer Movie program and click on "Today's Showings." It says "Kung Fu Panda" is playing at 9:30, so I leave Chris a note asking him to get me up in time to shower before he leaves.

12:30 a.m. Done brushing and flossing, still can't sleep, so I read a while.

12:55 a.m. Lights out!

1:21 a.m. Suzi starts screeching, so I go in and nurse her.

1:45 a.m. I snuggle back down to get to sleep.

1:55 a.m. I run the dogs out of the bedroom. Apparently they picked up fleas from the stray cats at my mom's last week. Yippee!!

2:40 a.m. Suzi starts screaming again. Clearly she does not need nursed, so I try to wait her out.

3:00 a.m. She's not giving up, so I get her and rock her. I do this standing up, because Chris has not bought me a rocker for her yet. She's thirteen months old, BTW, as of yesterday. I lay her down, tip toe away, she screams, I go back. Over and over and over again.

3:30 a.m. I wake Chris up and hand her over so I can go to the bathroom. She arches her back and screams as I hand her off.

3:32 a.m. I walk back out of the bathroom and she's quietly snuggled against Chris's chest as he sits on the side of our bed rocking her, so I figure he's going to put her to bed and I climb in behind them.

3:33 a.m. Chris tosses her over to me and she decides she simply must nurse or else she's going to scream widly the rest of the night. I tell Chris to bring me home a @#(*&@$& recliner TONIGHT.

4:00 a.m. Suzi is content and happy. So happy she decides to sing and chat as loud as she can.

4:03 a.m. I tuck her back into her own bed and miracle of miracles, she fusses for two or three minutes and falls asleep.

4:05 a.m. I get the note I left for Chris and throw it away.

7:20 a.m. I wake up and decide that since I woke up in time for the movie, I'm going to do it.

7:35 a.m. I wait until Chris leaves to get up because I'm still mighty bitter over another sleepless night on my feet.

8:00 a.m. I get Suzi, then Izzy gets up while I'm nursing her. I tell him we're going to the movies and he's super excited until I tell him it's not the drive-in movies, but in a theater. Tears commence and my head starts to throb.

8:20 a.m. I get a very grouchy Sophie up.

8:48 a.m. We're leaving on time!!

9:04 a.m. I get to the theater, making record time, and I see there are NO OTHER CARS ON THE LOT. NOT A SINGLE ONE. I call my mom and by the time she gets the system going and the movie times up, I realize that they hadn't updated yet last night. The kids summer movie was yesterday. No other movie is playing until 11:30, but I don't want to pay for one anyhow when I have Suzi, for she's sure to make us all have to leave early. I tell the kids and Izzy starts yelling at me. This does not go over well.

9:25 a.m. I drive over to Chick-Fil-A and get the kids breakfast. We start not to go in because there are A THOUSAND OLD PEOPLE SITTING IN SILENCE inside the restaurant. Seems Thursday is Bingo Day, lucky me. A woman motions me in, so I realize it's not been rented out. I get the kids breakfast, then they go off to play in the Playland.

10:18 a.m. We head back to the van after much insisting on my part that yes, we had to go and NOW. Sophie insists on carrying my drink, the one that the kind Chick-Fil-A worker had just refilled. I try to get it from her at the van, but she jumps in, insisting she can do it by herself. Yep, she spills the entire thing in the floor of the van. I get everyone strapped in and it's silent. Apparently, my screaming like a banshee induces silence. I tell them I'm going to Gabes and they will be silent there too.

10:57 a.m. We're about 10 minutes into our shopping trip when they all three start acting like baby jerks. I sigh and head home.

11:30 a.m. I banish them all to their rooms.

11:43 a.m. They both start sticking their heads out every ten seconds to see if their time out is over. I start daydreaming of sending them all to a orphanage. *sigh*