He did it!! Chris woke me up this morning at 6:21, and I realized that the baby had slept all night, without a peep. Seems that taking away that morning nap is working. Mom thought he might have his days and nights confused, and I think she's right, because for the first time in more than two months, Izzy slept all night long!!! Woo-hoo!! WE woke HIM up at 7:45 so I could take him on over to mom's. What a good night.
While I was showering this morning, I got a little panicky, though. I just knew that Izzy had managed to suffocate his self and that's why he was so quiet. Isn't that so morbid?! I always manage to come up with the worst possible scenario and completely freak myself out. Although it just occurred to me that I forgot to worry that someone had kidnapped him in the night. Anyhow, I'm rinsing the shampoo out and the scenes of me finding Izzy...ummm....not breathing...I can't even bear to type the other....are running through my mind. Of us calling 911, of the panic we would feel, about how I would not take Izzy to Chris's uncle's funeral home, because even though it's one of the nicest I've seen, and I know he'd cut us a good deal, it's an hour away and many fewer people would travel that far to pay their respects.
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. When Chris and I read of hurt or sick children, it breaks our hearts. We came across the website of a beautiful little boy, Ben, who is fighting a rare form of cancer. His site is here. It brings tears to our eyes to think of the pain that family is going through, although they seem to have so much faith. I wouldn't. At least I don't think I would. Actually, I think my heart just might explode.
Death used to seem so far away. Mortality was just an abstract thought. Now it's so real, so constant. Parenthood has made me fear for my safety, for Chris's safety, and mostly, for my baby's safety. This world is a big scary place. I wish I could just stay at home with Izzy, curled up in bed together, all day long. But even if the bedsores didn't put a stop to that, I'm pretty sure Izzy would when he hit those pre-teen years. Moms just spend all of our time protecting and nourishing our babies so they can just push us away. If they don't, then we haven't done a good job. Mommyhood is the ultimate Catch-22.
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