I am such a loser. I can not believe how much harder this SAHM thing is than working. I truly thought I'd have extra time to update my blog, but I'm lucky if I can find the time to check my e-mail, much less write. Not that I'm not loving it, because I am. I am so truly blessed to have had this decision made for me. I'm getting to see things and experience times with Izzy that I had no idea I was missing. I swear, I love him more every minute. I think we're getting even closer, too. Doesn't mean that I don't think some women aren't able to do it all, for I do. But I don't think I'm one of them. Maybe I'll take a couple of years off to enjoy my babies. Who knows? But I'm having the time of my life right now.
Here's the bad things. 1: I wish everyone would quit asking me if I'm getting up every morning to cook Chris breakfast. ABSOLUTELY NOT. The whole time he was in college, and the year he was laid-off, he wasn't cooking me breakfast, so why would I get up and do it for him? Not to mention, I'm still throwing up daily and the smell of cooking food makes me run for the bathroom. But the double standard alone makes me want to hurl.
2: Chris. Suddenly he wants to be married to a domestic goddess. Although he doesn't expect me to get up with him in the morning, he has said many things about dinner being on the table and the housework getting done better. And he thinks he should be exempt from more of the evening child care. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK. First of all, I'm not a HOUSEWIFE. I am a stay at home mom. Second, refer back to the time during which I was the primary or only breadwinner: Chris was no househusband himself.
3. Money. See #2. Again quite suddenly, Chris wants control of the budget and checkbook. I find this immensely insulting. For the nearly 10 years we've been together - 6 of the 10 I've made more than him - he was fine with me taking care of the money. But now that I've only got unemployment coming in, he deems me incompetent? We've never had any money arguments before, at least not big ones like this. But for someone who works as a budget analyst, he is rather crummy with the household bank book. Last two statements, there were nearly $500 in items he'd not listed - EACH MONTH. Need I say more?
Actually, I think #3 may be on it's way to being resolved. When even my dad agreed that Chris shouldn't be viewing our money suddenly as "his" money, then he's lightened up.
We had a moment of enlightenment tonight. Our pastor came to visit and told us that she and her husband are getting a divorce. As we talked with her, we kept looking at each other in amazement. We are really very lucky to have found each other. We're very well suited for each other, and we're generally on the same life path. Our pastor is heartbroken, but it's for the best. She really wants children, and her husband was dead-set against them. They are just completely incompatible people. I think Chris and I are in it for the long-haul. Thank goodness, since kids are involved now.
Speaking of which, have I mentioned lately how completely adorable Izzy is?? He's got this running gag where he'll suddenly lay his head down and start snoring really loud. That's my cue to say, "SHHH. Izzy's sleeping!" We play this other game where he'll be looking at me, then he'll make his face suddenly completely blank, even slack-jawed. I'm then compelled to make the same face back, then we crack up at the same time. Then, just as fast, he makes his face go blank again. We'll play this way 25 times in a row. Kills me every single time.
This kid is the light of my life. If his little sister is even half as charming, sweet, and loving, then we will be truly blessed indeed. Speaking of blessings, please send good thoughts and prayers to Ben again. He seems to be fighting his final fight, and he's just a little past two years old. It's a tragedy.
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